update

i have had a great Easter me and Steve are getting on alot better have more cuddles and a few kiss. yippee!!!!

i dont really know what to do really just of late. i have been feeling so so tried just of late. i wake up with burning eyes like as if i have not slept in days. I do not think it the meds. i have been taking vitamins and i have given my self 7 days off the self-help group. i have hit a block with the self-help group and one of the place has pulled out.
this is the email i got back

Hello Emma,

Further to discussions with our project members and Management Committee, we have agreed that a Personality Disorder self-help group at Uttoxeter Mind does not fit in with our Values and Principles and our belief in not "attaching labels" to people. We feel your group would be better served in a more medical setting.

We wish you luck in your endeavours.

Kind regards.


I feel a little disapointed to be honsit. So i have given my self some time off to Just to take stock of every thing.

I feel so emotional and it also looks like i will not have any benefits this time round so it looks like i be £327 down each month. and with Steve moving jobs and he be down about £100 a month to. so i have to stop the gym, my slimming world, driving lesson. it looks like i will not be able to go to meetings out of my area as i can't afford the bus and train fair.

I dont know sigh i can't get lesson of Steve (husband)as he so nervous of me driving. then i start to get wound up because he does not feel comfortable with me driving. i did try to drive but he just make comments that irritate me .

so it looks like i have to get a part time job which iam ok in doing but the pressure of a job not good for me i have tried to work many other time and ended every time in hospital after a year or so. I just worried that if i do go back to work i will fall down again or have some time of and they have to let me go. All so i would have to think about what i am taking on as i has i still want to try and get this self-help group up and running.
Sigh
I really don't know what to do for the best ? ????
any way that's enough about me be for i cry.
hope you all are doing well ?
em xxx

update

mood of the day tired and fed up.
how do i feel / that's a good question ? i feel depressed, Sadness (about my relationship), Guilt, shame,neglected, lonely
On a good note my self-help group is coming on and i have a place who is willing for me to start the group. I don't have to pay for the room. The only thing is that it about half hour drive or an hours bus drive. This group taking all my energy. I am shaw it will be worth it in the end.

I am also taking driving lessons. Life is filling up so quickly with things to do. House work, group, even training to teach doctors how to handle people who have personality disorder and try and get them to understand the things we do and there's always a reason why we do things too.

Husbands moving jobs and there will not be as much money as before but he be happy (i hope)

have the doctors appointment tomorrow. so i need to ask him to refer me back to the psy-doc so he can refer me to a two day Theraputic community.
so it looks like i am going to be a very busy girl. it just seem like all work and no play at times.

singing out
for today
em xxx